I'm reading this book I borrowed from Elisa entitled "How to Survive a Horror Movie" by Seth Grahame-Smith. I love zombie movies and everything that has to do with zombies. I came across the section where they show you how to defeat zombies. I found it interesting so I thought I'd share it with errbody ^_^
How to Kill the Living Dead
Anyone who's killed by a zombie ought to be ashamed of themselves. It's the equivalent of a fighter jet being blown out of the sky with a Nerf dart. Humans are superior to zombies in every imaginable way: We're faster, smarter, stronger, more adaptable, and better looking. And yet, in zombie movies, our so-called heroes hole themselves up in a highly vulnerable location at the first sign of a limper. They sit around scratching their heads and getting hysterical while an army of the dead amasses outside instead of simply planning a counterattack.
1. Stop being so pathetic. Pull yourself together! You're the human! You possess complex problem-solving skills. You can run faster than a slow shuffle. Stop acting like prey and start acting like a hunter!
Of course you're scared. Your self-confidence has been rattled by fear. So let's puff up that chest and review all the reasons why humans are way, way more awesome than zombies:
Speed. Humans can walk at a good clip. Zombies use tortoises as skateboards. Well, most of them do. Though rare, fast-moving zombies do exist. Little is known about their origins, but they seem to be indigenous to Great Britain and remakes.
Complex problem-solving abilities. Humans send robots to Mars. Zombies are baffled by doorknobs.
Weaponry. Humans have a vast supply of guns, knives, chemicals, and explosives at dexterous fingertips. A zombie's arsenal includes teeth, and...wait...nope, that's it. Teeth.
Strength. Zombies aren't stronger than humans. On the contrary, their muscles have begun to rot, making them weak and brittle.
2. Arm yourself. At the first sign of a zombie outbreak, raid the local gun shops, sporting goods stores, and "we sell everything ever made" megastores, and procure some instruments of undeath.
Rifles. The cornerstone of any anti-zombie campaign. Preferably high-powered semiautomatics.
Shotguns. Excellent for close-quarters fighting. Make heads disappear like magic!
Bombs. Whether a brick of C4 or a pipe filled with gunpowder and rusty nails, bombs are a highly effective means of vanquishing zombies.
Incendiary devices. Zombies are famously terrified of fire, and with good reason--they're much more flammable than we are, since their flesh is so dry. And because they're not exactly nimble, very few manage to stop, drop, and roll after they've been lit.
3. Set a trap. Sure, you can roam the countryside for months, taking on zombies one by one. Fighting them with knives and fists. but who has that kind of time? Zombies are cattle. Just drive them to the slaughterhouse. Here's one way of terminating a truckload of dead heads at once.
A. Place an explosive device in a confined area, then lure the zombies with fresh brains.
B. Wait for the zombies to arrive.
C. Detonate the explosives.
D. Take cover.
4. Finish the job. After the bomb goes off, there'll be bits and pieces of zombie everywhere. But you're not out of danger yet. Here's where those rifles and shotguns come into play. Being careful to keep your ankles away from their mouths, storm the blast area while shooting any remaining zombies full of lead.
5. Burn the bodies. Using a push broom or shovel, move the body parts outside, douse them in unleaded gasoline, and roast 'em. Take extreme care to keep their blood and saliva away from your skin, and don't breathe in the resulting smoke--it could still contain traces of the zombie virus.
6. Repeat as needed. The great thing about zombies? They'll keep falling for it. Why? Because they're stupid, and we're awesome.
1. Stop being so pathetic. Pull yourself together! You're the human! You possess complex problem-solving skills. You can run faster than a slow shuffle. Stop acting like prey and start acting like a hunter!
Of course you're scared. Your self-confidence has been rattled by fear. So let's puff up that chest and review all the reasons why humans are way, way more awesome than zombies:
Speed. Humans can walk at a good clip. Zombies use tortoises as skateboards. Well, most of them do. Though rare, fast-moving zombies do exist. Little is known about their origins, but they seem to be indigenous to Great Britain and remakes.
Complex problem-solving abilities. Humans send robots to Mars. Zombies are baffled by doorknobs.
Weaponry. Humans have a vast supply of guns, knives, chemicals, and explosives at dexterous fingertips. A zombie's arsenal includes teeth, and...wait...nope, that's it. Teeth.
Strength. Zombies aren't stronger than humans. On the contrary, their muscles have begun to rot, making them weak and brittle.
2. Arm yourself. At the first sign of a zombie outbreak, raid the local gun shops, sporting goods stores, and "we sell everything ever made" megastores, and procure some instruments of undeath.
Rifles. The cornerstone of any anti-zombie campaign. Preferably high-powered semiautomatics.
Shotguns. Excellent for close-quarters fighting. Make heads disappear like magic!
Bombs. Whether a brick of C4 or a pipe filled with gunpowder and rusty nails, bombs are a highly effective means of vanquishing zombies.
Incendiary devices. Zombies are famously terrified of fire, and with good reason--they're much more flammable than we are, since their flesh is so dry. And because they're not exactly nimble, very few manage to stop, drop, and roll after they've been lit.
3. Set a trap. Sure, you can roam the countryside for months, taking on zombies one by one. Fighting them with knives and fists. but who has that kind of time? Zombies are cattle. Just drive them to the slaughterhouse. Here's one way of terminating a truckload of dead heads at once.
A. Place an explosive device in a confined area, then lure the zombies with fresh brains.
B. Wait for the zombies to arrive.
C. Detonate the explosives.
D. Take cover.
4. Finish the job. After the bomb goes off, there'll be bits and pieces of zombie everywhere. But you're not out of danger yet. Here's where those rifles and shotguns come into play. Being careful to keep your ankles away from their mouths, storm the blast area while shooting any remaining zombies full of lead.
5. Burn the bodies. Using a push broom or shovel, move the body parts outside, douse them in unleaded gasoline, and roast 'em. Take extreme care to keep their blood and saliva away from your skin, and don't breathe in the resulting smoke--it could still contain traces of the zombie virus.
6. Repeat as needed. The great thing about zombies? They'll keep falling for it. Why? Because they're stupid, and we're awesome.
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